One the most divorced men I know sent me this.  ;o)

By all means marry. If you get a good wife, you’ll be happy. If you get a bad one, you’ll become a philosopher. – Socrates

I had some words with my wife, and she had some paragraphs with me. – Anonymous

Woman inspires us to great things, and prevents us from achieving them. – Dumas

The great question… which I have not been able to answer… is, "What does a woman want? – Sigmund Freud

"Some people ask the secret of our long marriage. We take time to go to a restaurant two times a week. A little candlelight dinner, soft music, and dancing.  She goes Tuesdays, I go Fridays." – Red Skelton

"I don’t worry about terrorism. I was married for two years." – Sam Kinison

"There’s a way of transferring funds that is even faster than electronic banking. It’s called marriage." – James Holt McGavran

"I’ve had bad luck with both my wives. The first one left me, and the second one didn’t." – Patrick Murray

Two secrets to keep your marriage brimming
1. Whenever you’re wrong, admit it,
2. Whenever you’re right, shut up. – Nash

The most effective way to remember your wife’s birthday is to forget it once… – Anonymous

You know what I did before I married? Anything I wanted to. – Henny Youngman

My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met.  – Rodney Dangerfield

A good wife always forgives her husband when she’s wrong. – Milton Berle

First Guy (proudly): "My wife’s an angel!"

Second Guy: "You’re lucky, mine’s still alive."