These classifieds actually ran in a Minneapolis newspaper – a smile for your day…

FREE YORKSHIRE TERRIER: 8-years old. Hateful little bastard. Bites!

FREE PUPPIES: 1/2 Cocker Spaniel, 1/2 sneaky neighbor’s dog.

FREE PUPPIES:
Mother, AKC German Shepherd…
Father, Super Dog..able to leap tall fences in a single bound.

FOUND DIRTY WHITE DOG:
Looks like a rat. Been out a while. 
Better be a big reward.

NORDIC TRACK:
$300 Hardly used, call Chubby.

JOINING NUDIST COLONY!
Must sell washer and dryer $300.

WEDDING DRESS FOR SALE :
Worn once by mistake. Call Stephanie.

And the best one?:

FOR SALE BY OWNER:
Complete set of Encyclopedia Britannica, 45 volumes.
Excellent condition. $1,000 or best offer.
No longer needed,Got married last month. Wife knows everything.

A tip of the hat to sister Deb for the email.